It usually starts in a way that feels completely reasonable.
“I just want to know where my child is.”
Most parents have location sharing turned on now. The phone comes with it. The watch connects automatically. You open an app and there it is. It feels reassuring. It feels responsible.
No one thinks of it as a problem at first.
The issue only shows up later — when the parents are no longer living in the same house, and that same technology is still running in the background.
That is when something that felt protective can start to feel intrusive.
However, I have seen how, during a divorce or after a separation, that same technology can shift from being about safety to becoming a tool for monitoring.
I am seeing more and more disputes between co-parents about location tracking on children’s devices. Parents often share Apple IDs, enable tracking apps, and leave location services on at all times. When a child moves between homes, the monitoring does not stop. At that point, the device is not just tracking the child, but also the other parent.
Under New York Domestic Relations Law Section 240, custody determinations are governed by the best interests of the child standard. Courts focus on stability, cooperation, and each parent’s ability to develop a healthy relationship with the other parent. Constantly monitoring the other parent’s movements through a child’s device rarely advances that goal. In many cases, it weakens it.
Parenting Time and Parental Authority
When a child is with one parent, that parent is responsible for what happens during that time. That is the practical reality. Whether it is a weeknight or a weekend, that parent is the one making the day-to-day decisions. Bedtime. Homework. Dinner. Who the child sees. Where they go.
That is how parenting time works.
It does not mean the other parent disappears. But it does mean the other parent is not supervising the household from a distance.
If one parent uses a child’s device to monitor the other parent’s location in real time, it can interfere with that parent’s authority during their parenting time. I often hear from clients, “But I pay for the phone,” or “It is on my account.” However, owning the device does not give a parent the right to track the other parent’s private movements. This also raises important privacy concerns.
New York courts expect co-parents to respect boundaries. While joint legal custody requires shared decision-making on major issues, parenting time is still distinct. Courts do not favor arrangements that escalate conflict or create unnecessary intrusion into the other parent’s household.
Why Technology Belongs in Custody Agreements
One of the most common mistakes I see in my practice is that custody agreements do not address technology. While these agreements often cover holidays, school schedules, and transportation, they frequently leave out important details about digital access and location tracking.
This omission often leads to conflict later on.
Parenting agreements today should consider addressing:
- Whether location services stay active during the other parent’s parenting time
- Who has administrative control over the child’s device?
- Whether tracking applications must be disabled while the child is with the other parent
- Whether tracking devices may be placed in backpacks or personal belongings
- How disputes regarding digital monitoring will be resolved
Clear agreements help prevent conflict. Without written guidelines, what starts as a simple technology feature can quickly become a legal dispute.
Safety Versus Control
There are situations where additional monitoring may be appropriate. If a child has documented medical needs. If there exist specific safety concerns supported by evidence. If a court order requires safeguards. In those circumstances, limited and clearly defined monitoring may be justified.
In my experience, most of these disputes are not about actual safety risks. Instead, they often come from anxiety, mistrust, or discomfort with the other parent’s independence after a separation.
Divorce often leaves both parents feeling vulnerable. While technology may seem to offer reassurance, it can actually increase conflict between parents. Judges look at whether each parent is supporting the child’s relationship with the other parent. Excessive monitoring can be seen as crossing boundaries, and in some cases, it becomes part of the court’s broader custody analysis under Domestic Relations Law Section 240.
The Larger Digital Issue
Location tracking is just one part of a much larger issue. I regularly see disagreements over screen time limits, social media access, app permissions, and digital privacy. These are now common sources of conflict between households.
Consistency and clear boundaries are important.
A child’s phone should not be used to gather information about the other parent’s private life. When children are put in the middle of adult conflict, whether through messages or technology, courts take notice. New York courts do not favor actions that involve children in parental disputes.
Technology is here to stay. Custody agreements should reflect the reality of children’s lives today. It is much easier to address digital access issues early, calmly, and clearly than to resolve them in court later.
If you are negotiating a parenting agreement, look beyond just the schedule. Consider devices, administrative control, and privacy. These details can make a significant difference in avoiding future conflict.
When conflict arises over location tracking, it is rarely just about the technology. It is often about trust, boundaries, and respect for the other parent’s role.
Under New York law, that respect matters.
Lisa Zeiderman
New York Family Attorney