If you or someone you know has gone through a high-conflict divorce involving complex custody disputes in New York, you may have heard of or even worked with a Parent Coordinator. A Parent Coordinator is a neutral professional – most often a family law attorney, social worker, or psychologist – appointed by the court in high-conflict custody cases. At the highest level, the Parent Coordinator’s goal is to keep parents child-focused, minimize ongoing conflict, and resolve issues outside the courtroom.
In cases where co-parenting conflict is ongoing and parents just can’t agree, where everything seems to be a battle, a Parent Coordinator can step in to help stop the breakdown between parents who are often clouded by anger, resentment, and power struggles. A big part of this is communication. Communication is pivotal for reaching agreements in any situation. Parent Coordinators will hear both sides, support communication between them, and help them resolve disagreements. There will be decisions that need to be made about your children’s healthcare, education, extracurricular activities, and more for years to come. A Parent Coordinator can cut through the tensions and get parents talking in a constructive way to get decisions made so kids don’t need to bear the brunt of their parents’ discord. A Parent Coordinator may also help co-parents implement and adhere to parenting plans, reducing conflict for children and families while keeping them out of the courtroom.
Keep in mind that in New York Matrimonial and Family Court, Parent Coordinators do not have decision-making authority. However, depending on the specific language of the court order appointing them, they may be able to make recommendations to the court and help facilitate the resolution of disputes in a structured and efficient manner.
Why is it so important to have a Parent Coordinator in highly contested matters?
I can’t emphasize enough how valuable a good Parent Coordinator can be in high-conflict custody matters. When one or both parties have high-conflict personalities, it often becomes a matter of “winning” the disagreement rather than doing what is best for the children involved. In these divorces, co-parents get into arguments over things that, quite frankly, should not matter—what type of sneakers are best for their child’s feet—or stark disagreements over high-stakes issues involving medical, educational, or therapeutic decisions. Both scenarios need to be resolved, as the “small issues” cloud the larger ones. When the most important disagreements can’t be decided, the children suffer. We see a lot of this in custody disputes involving special needs children such as those with learning disabilities, medical complexities, or emotional/behavioral challenges, for example. Litigation slows the decision-making process, increases costs, and keeps you returning to court. Working with the right Parent Coordinator can help mitigate the risk of prolonged litigation.
Why should you use a Family Law Attorney as a Parent Coordinator?
Having a great Parent Coordinator, frankly, can be a make-or-break-it. You need someone who can not only facilitate appropriate and constructive communication and decision-making among the parties, but also someone who can understand, interpret, implement, and help parents adhere to custody agreements. The last part—someone who actually understands the law – is really so important. A New York matrimonial or family law attorney will understand the law, understand what a court might reasonably do if the issue(s) at hand are brought before them, and can therefore resolve issues better and faster out of court.
If you need a Parent Coordinator or have been ordered by the court to use one, I urge you to find and work with a family law attorney in New York with experience in high-conflict custody matters. Attorneys with this background understand the law and, therefore, will be able to guide you based on your particular agreement. If you don’t have someone with a legal background, you will likely be back in court litigating sooner rather than later.
Therapists and social workers can help facilitate better communication between co-parents, but without the legal background, that’s where the buck stops. Keep in mind, a Parent Coordinator who is also an attorney can speak with and collaborate with your therapist(s) and your children’s therapist(s) so that there really is a multidisciplinary approach.
Why is Lisa Zeiderman a great Parent Coordinator?
While Parent Coordinators come from different professional backgrounds, there is a real advantage to working with an experienced family law attorney—someone like Lisa Zeiderman—who understands not just the dynamics between feuding parents in highly litigated cases, but also how those disputes play out legally.
Lisa’s background as a matrimonial attorney and Attorney for the Children (AFC) means she knows how to identify patterns of conflict quickly, cut through the noise, and focus on what actually matters. She understands court orders and how they should be applied in real life, and what a court is likely to do if an issue escalates. That knowledge and experience allows her to guide parents toward legally sound resolutions outside of the courtroom.
At the same time, Lisa brings a strong understanding of the emotional and psychological dynamics that drive high-conflict cases. Lisa writes a blog for Psychology Today that focuses on the dynamics of high-conflict divorces, custody disputes, co-parenting conflict, and decision-making. She is able to do so given her extensive experience litigating these very cases. What makes Lisa particularly effective is her ability to bridge both worlds. She collaborates with mental health professionals, understands complex personalities and family dynamics, and applies that knowledge to her work with parents using appropriate authority and practicality. She is not just managing the conflict; she is managing it in a way that is efficient and grounded in the law.
Simply put, a Parent Coordinator should be able to facilitate communication, move decisions along, and keep parents aligned with their obligations. An attorney like Lisa Zeiderman does all of that, and does it in the best interest of the children involved.